Ok, it's NYE. Haha! I almost had a date.(sorta la she was an old friend) But in the end I went to hang at my old sec school friend's home. Party hasnt started yet that is why Im here blogging sia. LOL. The year really pass by so quickly man. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow will be visiting the national museum first time. GOGOGO!! Might be going for a second time though. :D. WOOHOO!!! Ok la, I should join my friends liao. LOL. Still waiting for the idiot bkb to come come come!!!

Battle scars. Why battle scars you might ask? I think when I thought if that today I was thinking of it in terms of the metphorical sense. I really sense that 09 was a bad year for me. Maybe you can say I had too many battle scars. Scars that I really hope that make me stronger. You know you can say that no cause is not a lost cause and I'm really a prime example. I'm really heading into a sem with no motivation and nothing, and I say again, nothing to look forward to. Its that bad. The only thing that is keeping me going is that the fact that I can graduate on time and the fact that maybe just maybe I can pick mods I like the following sem. I really hoping the other core mod does not clash with medical social work. And I'm really praying for that as well as the fact that they would offer the other counselling mod in sem 2 next year. Anything else I am looking out for. Soci of family, Culture and Society and a whole load of mods that interest me. LOL. I guess you can call me a mugger toad. My life now revolves around css and school. I guess it's because you can say my heart is not in the right place. But then again you can argue with me, as all good arts student will, what right means. So how to make it right again? Only time will tell. Only time will tell.

At this point of time, I want to thank God for all that has happened this year. For all the trials and tribulations. For the many many friends I made. For the freshies lives I touched during foc. I thank God.

I probably should end on a soft note. Must really thank auds again for reminding me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray for a good 2010. For a good attachment and all that will happen. Amen.

Words of the day- battle scars!

I think I am really a blur cock! I learnt 2 things today which are very important! If there are 2 things that I need now more than anything it is self confidence and patience. Maybe I have to explain my self a little bit here and tell you how all this came about.

For the longest period of time, I knew for a fact that I have low self-confidence. I think its partly because all my family members are all overachievers la. Somehow, I wasnt the most athletic, smartest or best musically. So somehow, I was under everyone else's shadow. I havent found my own niche. You will always hear me saying, "I can't do this" or "I can't do that". It is really pretty common. That was til I met Audrey. Audrey is really a very cute girl la. I think for once someone outside my family recognised the gem in me. She is always telling me to have more confidence and that I can do it. And somehow I think I need to learn more of that hor Audrey. Maybe I should start doing things my own way and show this side of me la. LOL.

Ok so how did I learn that I need to have patience lei. Well, I was waiting at a busstop just now. I kept saying, "Sians!". I think my friend quite irritated. He told me need to have more patience lor. I thought about it in the bus actually. The 20-30 mins journey quite thought provoking I think. Maybe I am really an impatient person. Maybe I want stuff instantly. I really cant wait. I think its partly my Dad's fault. He is always rushing rushing and rushing. So I really am rubbing of him. Its probably in my subconscious according to Mr Freud. That is something I have to change being it for school work or my relationships with people la.

And people, I got my allocated modules for one point. I havent checked my accounts yet but I'm guessing I 'm pretty rich. I am going to spend all my points on soci mods! We'll see. :D

I had a convo with my friend about whats missing in our lives. Quite interesting cause I think thats what I have been asking myself the last few months. He gave me a few new ideas I havent really like considered yet. Well what struck me was the fact that we constantly change so that is no point of thinking of trying to go in a certain direction. Maybe God put me in this place and in this time for a reason. Haha. We'll see la. I getting kel to take deviance also. Haha more people more fun.

Ok so I had cheesecake last night with pearl. pretty nice outing i think! hmmm havent seen the freshie in a very long time. last time i saw the kiddo was.... so long that i really cant remember. and the thing is we stay so near each other. I thought im busy kid liao... Lol... she more busy than me can.... Her waiting list is like longer than mine 10x. Lol. but really had a nice little chat with her lor. i think we should be taking deviance together next sem.... she is a soci major.(until she finally can become a psych major next sem aft taking the stats mod... seriously the psych dept abit crazy) she is also taking another mod that i wanted to do but cant...cant remember why but i think is either timetable not nice or exam clash... but oh well one mod is better than nothing. im busy slacking off today... and its really nice not having anything to do for once... but i really miss school i think. well not the studying part at least. i really miss the people portion. sitting around arts corner talking cock is damn nice la... i kinda miss cgs also... hmmm i wonder what day is cheryl and ran hosting it next sem cause i want to follow up... last sem ran will be my cgl lor. he graduating soon. sighs... one of the nicest seniors around. thats why i m also taking care of my freshies as well. that is if hmmm they want me to help la. i think pearl is like one good example la. been teaching her how to bid... planning for mods and what not.... but i think she damn smart can. her cap now like 4.2? better than me when i first came in. my best sem ever only cap 4. haha... sians... anyways... im ending off here ok! :D

Maybe my earlier post was a little depressing. Ok here's the deal. I don't really think I'm skipping the sem all together next sem. This is despite the fact that hey I can't seem to find any electives that I really really want to do. Victor is right in the sense that maybe I should stick to the core mods. And guess what- they should only be one point each. Considering the fact that I'm underloading again, means I taking 2 other mods of my choice la. I m looking at the soci department. No soci of family offered though. Hmmm deviance is nice. Ok, I really have to start planning liao lor. Sians. HAHA! planning is not funny can? But will do la. Ok I should start doing it now hor. Ok la, Im off!

Hello peeps. Ok, I got 2 weeks left of holidays. Hmm, I still dont know if I want to go back to school for the next sem or not. Really considering taking the sem off and just slack. My parents ask me what I want to do during that period and I just replied nothing. Exactly, I want to do NOTHING! I want to rot my life away in a hole. Ok maybe thats an exaggeration but I really want to do nothing. I kinda realised something during my last trip. I realised whyI like to go ulu places, I realised why I love East Malaysia so much. Because there is really nothing much to do so after 7, all you can do is just slack. Victor was telling me to go back cause I aint that old and I should be thinking such thoughts but I dont think he knows how tired I am. I dont think people realised that I have more or less been doing things for others and not for myself. I have been more or less out every day of the hols but which of these activities have I really want to go? I would say about only 10%. Haha. I think most of the time I just wanted to show face and be there for the people that I care for. Ya you can say noone force me but ya it's just me la. I think I m still kinda the responsible kid that looks out for everyone la.

Anyways, I got back my grades yesterday. Hmm, I really happy with the A and the A- I got. My first A in NUS was a module that I took for my dead Uncle. Don't know if it was divine intervention but I m really glad that I got the A cause I would have been disappointed with anything below a B+. This was a promise I made to myself before the sem started and thank goodness I got it la. The A- was a little unexpected cause I was going to su the module and I think I never really study for the module. I like tried my best to answer the module without full knowledge whether I was in the right direction or not. Seems like my answering technique works. I think if anybody taking the mod in the future, I would advice them what i did.

The 2 other mods I did for the sem were a little disappointing. I was happy for one of them in a way cause I kinda screw up like at the exam. so getting a c+ wasnt that bad la. But considering the effort I had put in for the module, I dont really think it was justifiable. I got a b- for the last mod. Actually I was like WTF WTF WTF. I thought I could get a b and above. Likewise for the mod above, I put in a considerable effort into the mod and I thought it would have been nice if I got a decent grade not that a b- is not good la. Sighs.

Guess I got to work on my grades. LOL... I need a .03 to get to honours class. hopefully my grades are good next sem...

As I lay down in the stillness of the dark,
Counting the seconds, minutes and hours.
These problems that sprung like wild weed
Still haunt and choke me.
I used to think I was so strong,
With all my ideals and dreams.
But where are they now I asked.
Where are they now?
Naive I was before,
Naive I will continue to be.
Maybe it is time for me to grow and change.
Rethink what I stand for.

my get away

Ok, so I'm finally in Kuching, Malaysia. Just really chilling here with my friend gabs ya. So far, I think Im loving the fact that I can move around on my own without anyone complaining but the only thing that I can whine about is the fact that well the shops close DAMN early la. And there are no like convience stores around the corner. PANGSEH!!! So ya, i probably slept the earliest last night in a lonnnnggg time!! LOL. Ok, should entertain my poor friend now LOL. He is kinda bored.(or at least I think la) See if later i can come back and blog or not.

Ok I'm finally dusting the cobwebs of this site. Sorry to all the loyal fans ok? Im probably like a few weeks into holiday right now. Hmm... Ok let me first recap my sem all right? This sem has been good at least I'm finally doing what I love which is the most important thing. However, I think it has been pretty tough also cause I had not had a proper break since st1 before year 1 sem 1 and the fact that I wanted to pull up my cap meant that I worked harder than any other sems before. My readings were alot and I think I did my best to finish. (Some mods I read less than half. Oops!) Nevertheless, I think I did a great job. *twist fingers as I wait for the results*

Hmmm, also, I think this sem posed another question. what do I want out of life? Where am I heading? These were questions I asked myself daily. Very important questions which I havent gotten a good answer to. Thats why Im taking a holiday from tomorrow to the 19th to see if i can find an answer.

This sem I also made a few good friends I think. There is joyce, who was my faithful prayer partner, and jerome, who is the ultimate freshie (some claim he acts and works like me).

Im glad that my relation with Walrus is getting better (I think). Well, it hasnt reached the stage that I am happy with but at least its a good start. After what happened during genes, I thought she would just slip through my fingers. Am actually looking forward to checking her house out Sunday. Might just want to bring a bottle of wine in to let everyone else enjoy. :D

Am pretty tired actually. will continue updating you guys stuff soon ok? Nights