F***ED UP!!

One week to show time. Did not really have the opportunity to bid for my mods cause it really seems I no chance til next round. Its really omg la. Haha cant believe i have one more week and still have to do this kind of shit. Anyways I finally found an alternate module to do. It does not really bother me that I am going to do it alone man. Sometimes it is better that way. Wont get distracted by stuff I suppose. But I really hope I can get to do deviance la. LALALA!!! Ok la I'm off!

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all
I want to doIs be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more awareI'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more awareI'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb I can't feel you thereI'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you thereI'm tired of being what you want me to be

Ok, it's NYE. Haha! I almost had a date.(sorta la she was an old friend) But in the end I went to hang at my old sec school friend's home. Party hasnt started yet that is why Im here blogging sia. LOL. The year really pass by so quickly man. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow will be visiting the national museum first time. GOGOGO!! Might be going for a second time though. :D. WOOHOO!!! Ok la, I should join my friends liao. LOL. Still waiting for the idiot bkb to come come come!!!

Battle scars. Why battle scars you might ask? I think when I thought if that today I was thinking of it in terms of the metphorical sense. I really sense that 09 was a bad year for me. Maybe you can say I had too many battle scars. Scars that I really hope that make me stronger. You know you can say that no cause is not a lost cause and I'm really a prime example. I'm really heading into a sem with no motivation and nothing, and I say again, nothing to look forward to. Its that bad. The only thing that is keeping me going is that the fact that I can graduate on time and the fact that maybe just maybe I can pick mods I like the following sem. I really hoping the other core mod does not clash with medical social work. And I'm really praying for that as well as the fact that they would offer the other counselling mod in sem 2 next year. Anything else I am looking out for. Soci of family, Culture and Society and a whole load of mods that interest me. LOL. I guess you can call me a mugger toad. My life now revolves around css and school. I guess it's because you can say my heart is not in the right place. But then again you can argue with me, as all good arts student will, what right means. So how to make it right again? Only time will tell. Only time will tell.

At this point of time, I want to thank God for all that has happened this year. For all the trials and tribulations. For the many many friends I made. For the freshies lives I touched during foc. I thank God.

I probably should end on a soft note. Must really thank auds again for reminding me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray for a good 2010. For a good attachment and all that will happen. Amen.

Words of the day- battle scars!

I think I am really a blur cock! I learnt 2 things today which are very important! If there are 2 things that I need now more than anything it is self confidence and patience. Maybe I have to explain my self a little bit here and tell you how all this came about.

For the longest period of time, I knew for a fact that I have low self-confidence. I think its partly because all my family members are all overachievers la. Somehow, I wasnt the most athletic, smartest or best musically. So somehow, I was under everyone else's shadow. I havent found my own niche. You will always hear me saying, "I can't do this" or "I can't do that". It is really pretty common. That was til I met Audrey. Audrey is really a very cute girl la. I think for once someone outside my family recognised the gem in me. She is always telling me to have more confidence and that I can do it. And somehow I think I need to learn more of that hor Audrey. Maybe I should start doing things my own way and show this side of me la. LOL.

Ok so how did I learn that I need to have patience lei. Well, I was waiting at a busstop just now. I kept saying, "Sians!". I think my friend quite irritated. He told me need to have more patience lor. I thought about it in the bus actually. The 20-30 mins journey quite thought provoking I think. Maybe I am really an impatient person. Maybe I want stuff instantly. I really cant wait. I think its partly my Dad's fault. He is always rushing rushing and rushing. So I really am rubbing of him. Its probably in my subconscious according to Mr Freud. That is something I have to change being it for school work or my relationships with people la.

And people, I got my allocated modules for one point. I havent checked my accounts yet but I'm guessing I 'm pretty rich. I am going to spend all my points on soci mods! We'll see. :D

I had a convo with my friend about whats missing in our lives. Quite interesting cause I think thats what I have been asking myself the last few months. He gave me a few new ideas I havent really like considered yet. Well what struck me was the fact that we constantly change so that is no point of thinking of trying to go in a certain direction. Maybe God put me in this place and in this time for a reason. Haha. We'll see la. I getting kel to take deviance also. Haha more people more fun.