6th gear

I should be doing my readings but oh well what the heck right. I got 2 assignments due in weeks to come. But I'm here to make a point that I wanted to make a long time ago. I long wanted to say a man is judged by his actions. Well judging by my standards I'm not much of a man anyways. I think my father's decision to keep me grounded here is right. Chris da jie words of wisdom is true also. I'm just not emotionally strong now to be overseas by myself. I see the point ya. However, I do feel the test of a man is not judged through good times but through tough times. I haven't been through that though. As most of friends could testify, I'm still as lame as ever. That is true. I won't take that away. It's the image I been showing of myself to others.Nevertheless, that is partly because I don't really like to show my problems to others. I have a dozen of those and noone knows except me. I don't usually share but if I do want, I would. Why you must ask. Well, its partly because of my belief that we should not pour our problems to others. If i die someday and its because of heart disease I will know why. It's because I don't share. All I want now is that at my funeral, someone will say' "This was the epitome of a great man. A man of many unnecessary words but when the time comes he dished out words of wisdom." I always and still feel of myself that way. I can advice people and tell them what needs to be done. I think I'm strong in my beliefs in certain areas like education and the values of life. Not that I like to see streams of people coming to me, but its just that I like to be asked of my opinions. Recently, my friend was really worried about the econs mid term. I think it was largely because of the fact that they all want their cap of 5. I told him"Look bro, we know where we come from, and the fact that we are here is already a miracle.We are seriously competing with the cream of the crop. The elite of Singapore and overseas. We should aim to get our 3.5 first before anything. Do that and if we get anything above a B, we would be leading a happier life. That was my philosophy in NUS anyways." I feel and still feel that I am inferior in certain ways. To be in Dean's list all 8 sems is a thing I can only dream of. I think I have the skills needed to survive in NUS but not to do well. I met an old friend Tuesday. Had a chat with her. She told me she thinks I lost my flame. The old Greg she knows is gone. Well, its probably the glitter in my eyes. The old confidence and sweet arrogance I used to possess is all gone. Am I worried? Nah. Its just a phase. People around me don't know and can't see cause I have been putting up a freaking front but it's ok. The old Greg is and forever will remain in my heart. I hate it when people tell me to mature. I am mature just that I don't show it cause I don't see the need. And I'm personally telling this to Weni here. Don't judge me when you ain't see the fighter I am inside and how I take pride in the fact that I am now in NUS. I fought to get here. Did you guys see me cry when I almost could not make it here. Mr Goh, my primary school tutor, told me I am not as competitive as my siblings. It is not that I am not competitive, and I swear I am, but it is just like I said it I don't put it on my face. Secretly I also want to be on Dean's list. Secretly I want my CAP to be 5. Is that possible? No. It does not harming trying though. Just like Larry, I still believe that with my brains, that is nothing I can't do in the classroom. Just that I don't like it when it gets too technically la. That should be enough ranting for today. Guys, no hard feelings alright. Remember guys, the difference between a loser and a winner is that a winner can find a 6th gear.